Growing Old (Dis)Gracefully

We all do it. We profile people in every situation we encounter every day. And although it's diplomatically incorrect to admit doing this in the new century, profiling is something the instinctual rational mind does all on its' own. We know from empirical evidence that it probably won't be a Scandinavian who tries to hijack or blow up an airplane. We know that a senior citizen won't likely be guilty of texting while driving. We know that a thrice married man probably won't make his fourth any more successful. It's the cerebral capturing of large amounts of general data collected and categorized by our minds over years that prompts us to believe, or not believe, certain things about individuals or groups. I willingly admit that I profile on nearly every level possible and when it comes to eyewear selections there is no exception. I profile on who I think will be successful in progressive lenses. I profile on the category of frames a certain type of client will be most comfortable wearing. Conversely, I never profile on who will spend money or not. That's a pretty much impossible profile nowadays, and besides, the clients themselves, consciously or not ,usually tell me that themselves within five minutes of our initial conversation. After nearly a quarter of a million dispensings I have plenty of general data from which to draw.

So how disturbed am I that after years of self-professed expert profiling, I discover that clients in my own age bracket (50-59) are currently the most limited and inflexible group of ANY age group??How can it be??How is that even possible?We all went to high school and college at the same time. We all made it through the Bay City Rollers and The Defranco Family.We didn't quite understand the outrage over Watergate but wouldn't admit that to anyone.We watched a real life streaker interrupt the Academy Awards. We watched Blazing Saddles, The Exorcist, and Star Wars at an actual movie theatre. We even held each others hair back when we were throwing up after a prolific night of collegiate drinking. (No judgement people! The legal drinking age was 18 at the time.)So what happened between then and now? Yes, we all grew up, but gaining maturity doesn't mean giving up growth or excitement over new things. How did so many of you become examples of what it was you promised yourselves never to become when you finally became your parents age? Lets put my profiling assertions and accusations into terms best suited for this column - choosing new frames for your face. 

I'm guessing that for the most part, all of you 50-somethings were fairly cool and open minded when you were in your 20's. You sampled all current forms of music, literature, and theatre. By following trends you might have jumped onto some particular fashion bandwagons that, in hindsight, should never have been boarded. But you did it because you were open and willing to TRY! You were interested in new experiences. So why is it that so many of you ask me the same inane questions or make the same bizarre comments in regards to current styles? And how many of you realize that these questions and comments directly relate to our own aging process?    

First and foremost, all of you please stop saying "THAT'S NOT ME" when looking at new styles- frames or otherwise. Just stop immediately. I don't even think any of you realize what that comment actually tells everyone about you. It tells me that you've spent years creating a progression of categorical limitations and boundaries that you've placed within that comfortable snuggly "acceptable" part of your brain. Anything falling outside the parameters of that box somehow gets described as "hideous", "unpleasant", "unacceptable" or, if you're especially arrogant, "absurd". Do you understand that this box was created solely by you over the years because someone at some point commented about a particular color, or hairstyle, or personal look that you took on and any of the positive opinions were turned into personal lifelong mainstays-apparently until death for some of you. Considering that skin tones, hair quality, body shapes, attitudes and society itself evolves over the years, it is important to re-evaluate those mainstays and ADAPT respectively before you find Tammy Wynette - or some ghastly prepped out suburban prig version of her- staring back at you in the mirror one day. 

Even when you don't think a particular frame style is going to look good on you, don't arbitrarily sabottage  the process by shutting it down. Try something different, for pity's sake. If the stylist wants to try something on you, it's not because they're bored and just want to screw with you. It's because they honestly see something in you that would compliment the frame. And stop saying stupid old people things like "I DON'T WEAR GREEN" or "I DON'T FOLLOW TRENDS". First of all, every color comes in many many shades and just because you might not have looked good in lime green in high school doesn't mean you can;t wear an ivy green now. And lets get it straight once and for all you 50-somethings- NOONE is trying to make you "TRENDY"- a word thats meaning has truly become lost and replaced by negative connotations for some reason. No one is trying to hoist "TRENDY" onto you- like that could ever happen anyway. We DO ,however, attempt at making you "TRENDING" -incorporating even just one current frame trend into your frame decision. It's for you own good. And the opposite of "TRENDING" girls is just out and out ,plain and simple "COMPLETELY OUT OF STYLE". So, for the sake of speeding up your purchase process the next time lets just spell it out for what it is and cheerfully tell your stylist upfront - "I PREFER TO LOOK COMPLETELY OUT OF STYLE". And, If that truly is the case,  you're probably half way there already.

When we were kids didn't we love listening to all the comments about our culture from those beloved but out of touch old people? "Grow your hair much longer and you'll turn into a girl". "These kids nowadays don't know what real hard work is". "That CHER won't be around much longer." My personal favorite was what my grandfather said to me in 1972 when I got my first pair of metal eyeglass frames." Now you look like that strange John Lennon fellow". Now John Lennon did wear metal frames- but his were one specific antigue gold teardrop round style. But all the old people thought every pair of glasses were John Lennon glasses no matter what you were actually wearing or what the shape- hexagonals, square, round, oval, trapezoids, animal shapes, pot holders-they couldn't tell the difference. We rolled our eyes and moved on. (They meant well). Well, guess what you Class of the 70's members?John Lennon may be long dead, but Harry Potter is alive and well. That's right. Most of you stand there watching your kids trying on glasses and keep saying (in bad British accents) "Oh, look its' Harry Potter" then giggling dementedly as if you've said something new and clever. For your information, most of the kids up through the 20-somethings actually recognize the specific glasses Harry Potter wears in the movies because it's part of their inate culture. So guess what they do? Your kids politely smile and laugh, but inside they roll their eyes and think "I"m never going to be that clueless when I"m that age" (The good news ,though, is that they most likely will if we are any indication) So for your own sakes, PLEASE, stop thinking you're hip and current by evoking Harry Potter's name during frame selections. Especially now that round frames are coming back in style again.For me, you're only evoking memories of those dear simple old people in our youth who we loved but thought clueless and way beyond their time. 

When we were kids, how many people in the general population looked as good as our generation does now? I have 40-80 year old women coming in to buy glasses who are still beautiful and sexy. That's why I am so hard on you. I realize that our aging process has become surreal. We never thought it would happen.But it did- or is.For the most part we're handling it well, but you're exploring new territory that our parents and grandparents didn't have to.You remember what being 50 used to mean ; but, here you are looking great at 52, staring at yourself in the mirror and seeing yourself trying on jeans that a 50 yr old in 1976 would find inappropriate back then for a woman of your age. But you look great. So what do you do? You struggle with the vision of who you are physically  with the meaning of what the chronological numbers used to indicate when we were young. (The answer ,of course, is-buyy the jeans ).Stop dumbing down your style choices because your birthday number used to mean something different in 1976.That's all part of the great change occurring. Forget what your homelier less vital elders did back in the 70's.  

Certainly, all this goes for new eyewear, as well. Don't dismiss a frame choice because it harkens back to an earlier era of your life. That's the downside of living longer- you muddle through the same themed trends over and over. Stop making limiting statements to me (and all stylists everywhere) thinking that you're making some significant personal point. The only point you're making is that you're either insecure about yourself or that you've finished evolving. But, I think that most of you aren't. Benjamin Franklin said "When you are through changing- You're  through." And he was pretty much the brightest guy ever in this country.

Some of you insist that you plan on growing old "Gracefully". Would someone please explain to me what that actually means in 2011? Anyone? The most recent pruveyors of that wisdom couldn't give me one solid example of how they actually planned on growing old gracefully. And that's because there is no answer. Terms like "classic" and  "age appropriate" are speculative at best and mean different things to different people. One male client asked me what my anti-aging secrets were over the course of a few week frame selection. He wanted to know all about exercise, skincare, supplements, and even cosmetic surgery. When our business was finished he told me, that, in spite of everything, he felt that all that stuff felt a little desperate for him. Desperate to maintain something he was losing. What he was really telling me was that he just didn't care enough or was just too lazy or undisciplined to put forth the effort. He told me that he had decided just to grow old gracefully. So, I told him that I would take growing older disgracefully any day. It might take more effort, it might take more research and attention, but it makes me feel as though fate and genetics aren't the only pilots in the drivers seat of my life. I'm right in there as a co-pilot.

If comments in this column don't really reverberate with you, than chances are you're one of my 50-somethings that don't have an issue delving into new things or let things in the past get in their way. You're more self-assured and confident and really couldn't care less what some snotty co-worker or mother-in law might say about you. The interesting thing is that alot of my 50 -something men are stepping it up - you've gotten more creative and experimental with your frame selections-- moreso than when you were in your 30's. I"m not sure what this implies for everything else in your life, but your wives may want to pay attention to the direction in which you're moving. If you think that what I've said is somehow "mean" than it's just your way of saying that you have no intention of turning any mirror back onto yourselves and you can chalk it up to someone just being cruel. And that's fine. I realize I can't affect everyone. But, if I can save just one person from making the decision to grow old gracefully, than I will consider my efforts successful.